


I'm not fine (But one day I could be)

by Thomasnewtminho29



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Based on season 3 trailer, Post Season 2 Finale, monty is not fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:58:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5614768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thomasnewtminho29/pseuds/Thomasnewtminho29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the part of the season 3 trailer where Monty and Jasper are fighting and Monty says he's not fine. My take on what happens afterwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm not fine (But one day I could be)

**Author's Note:**

> I have an overwhelming desire to fix Jonty because Jasper and Monty are my favourite characters ever. Also I thought it needed a bit of mother hen Raven Reyes taking no shit from her children.

Jasper was drunk. Monty had been watching his friend continuously refilling his cup and downing the contents and he’d had enough. He’d had enough of watching his best friend sink deeper into depression. He’d had enough of feeling the guilt gnawing away at him every time he glanced at Jasper. His stomach twisted as he glanced at his cup of moonshine and he stood up, deciding to head back to his tent early and try to sleep. He got a few steps from the campfire before he was interrupted.

 

“Where the hell are you going?” Jasper slurred as he walked unsteadily towards Monty.

 

“I’m going to bed” Monty mumbled. Warning signs had started to flash in his head. Jasper hadn’t even looked at him in months. He imagined that with Jasper being angry, drunk and overcome with grief this wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation.

 

Jasper laughed bitterly. “It must be nice to be able to sleep” he sneered. “Some of us can’t remember what that feels like.” His expression turned dark and his mouth twisted. “After everything you’ve done how can you just be fine?” he shouted and then he shoved Monty who caught himself before he could fall.

 

In that moment Monty snapped. “I’M NOT FINE” he shouted back and everyone around the fire fell silent. Monty stared at Jasper breathing heavily. “How could I possibly be fine?” Monty asked. “I’m a murderer. I killed everyone in that Mountain, I killed Maya and I lost you.” He breathed in shakily before continuing, “I’ve been pretending I’m fine because I don’t deserve to suffer, not like you or Harper or Miller do. After I irradiated that level and saw Maya in your arms I justified it by thinking I’d rather have you alive and hating me than liking me and dead but it hurts more than I thought it would.” Monty felt tears pricking at his eyes and knew that he had to get away. “I can’t cope anymore ok. I’m done.”

 

He watched as Jasper’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak but he turned and walked away before Jasper could say anything. He heard Bellamy calling his name and quickened his pace. _“I need to leave”_ he thought. He’d been thinking about it for a while but tonight had pushed him over the edge. Jasper had _shoved_ him. In their nearly sixteen years of friendship they’d never had a physical fight and that action alone hurt more than any harsh drunken words could.

 

Monty reached his tent and started shoving his clothes into his bag, tears flowing freely down his face. After a few minutes he heard footsteps outside the tent. “Can I come in?” a voice asked softly.

 

“Yeah” he sniffed as he quickly wiped his eyes and turned around. Raven was standing by the tent flap with her arms folded.

 

“I came to see how you were” she said as she sat down next to Monty. “That was an intense argument.”

 

Monty’s shoulders slumped. “He hates me.”

 

Raven wrapped an arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. “He _loves_ you. Everything’s going to be ok Monty, I promise.”

 

“It’s been three months” Monty said, a lump rising in his throat. “Three months and barely anything’s changed. I overrode a code Raven! I radiated an entire level and didn’t leave a way out for anyone. I’m all alone. My parents are dead, I’ve lost my best friend and I deserve it.”

 

Raven pulled away from him and narrowed her eyes. “That’s the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard. You are _not_ alone and you _definitely_ don’t deserve to be alone. When I feel like shit and feel like I don’t have anyone I remember what Jasper told me once.”

 

“What did he tell you?” Monty asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

 

Raven smiled. “He said that we’ve all got each other now and he was right. We’re lucky ok. Not many people get to choose their family but we got to choose ours and we all look after each other. So what if Clarke’s left and you and Jasper are going through a rough patch? Everything will be fine because we are a family and we always will be.”

 

“I’m not fine” Monty mumbled as he stood up and made his way back over to his bag.

 

“I know you’re not fine” Raven said gently. “It’s going to take more time but we’re here for you.”

 

“I’m leaving” Monty said bluntly.

 

Raven snorted. “Yeah? And where the hell are you going to go?”

 

Monty shrugged, refusing to meet Raven’s gaze. “I don’t know.”

 

He heard Raven sigh and then he felt her hand on his shoulder. “Just sleep on it ok? But… Monty, you’re 15 years old. You can’t go out into the unknown by yourself. Especially not when there are people here who love you.”

 

Monty didn’t reply and waited until he heard Raven leave the tent before he sat down and put his head in his hands. _We’ve all got each other now_. No. He couldn’t stay. He wasn’t going to be a burden. Everyone needed to move on, Raven, Bellamy, _Jasper_ … they could start a new life without him. He lay down, deciding that he needed to rest before finding a new place to live. _“I’m not fine”_ he thought as he fell asleep.

 

He woke later than he would have liked but still before the time when people started getting up to do their chores. Monty rolled his sleeping bag up and hooked it onto his bag. He glanced round the tent to make sure he hadn’t left anything behind and took a deep breath before ducking out of the tent entrance.

 

He didn’t expect to come face to face with Jasper. They stood staring at each other and Monty could barely breathe. “Don’t leave” Jasper suddenly blurted out.

 

“What?” Monty asked shakily.

 

Jasper took a deep breath and glanced at the ground. “Raven told me you were going to leave. She told me if I had any sense I’d go and get you. She’s right. You can’t go. I don’t want you to.”

 

Monty felt faint. “Why?”

 

“Can we go inside?” Jasper asked, gesturing towards Monty’s tent. Monty nodded and the two boys made their way inside. Monty sat down and Jasper hesitated before sitting right next to him. It was silent for a while as Monty tried to get his thoughts into some kind of order. Jasper was in his tent. Jasper was sitting next to him. Jasper was talking to him. _Jasper didn’t want him to leave._

 

“I wish we’d never come to Earth” Monty said. Jasper looked at him in confusion. “I mean if we were still up in space, up on the Ark, we’d be ok. If I’d remembered to replace what we took we wouldn’t have been arrested and we’d be fine. We wouldn’t be fighting for our lives, you wouldn’t have been speared, I wouldn’t have been drilled, I wouldn’t have-” he stopped abruptly, unable to finish his sentence. He took a deep breath and moved on “If we were on the Ark we’d still be best friends. You’re the most important person in my life. Every memory I have there’s you.”

 

“You can’t blame yourself for everything” Jasper said. “You’ve looked after me since we’ve been down here and you’re still my best friend, nothing will ever change that. You’re _so_ important to me Monty, I just… I just need a little more time ok? I've gone about it in the wrong way. What I said last night was wrong. I was drunk and stupid and I didn’t mean any of it. I _pushed_ you and that is unacceptable. I know I haven’t been there for you much lately, I should have realised that you weren’t fine. We’ve always looked after each other and now we need to more than ever. That’s why you can’t leave. We need each other and you’re all I have left.”

 

“You’ve looked after me just fine Jas. You got me out of a fucking cage for god’s sake! But you have PTSD Jasper, you’ve had a lot to deal with and I want to help. I’m learning to deal with what I’ve done.”

 

“Maybe we can deal with it together” Jasper said shyly. “If you stay.”

 

Monty nodded slowly, barely able to believe that he finally had Jasper back. “Ok” he said.

 

Jasper tentatively reached out his hand and tangled his fingers with Monty’s. “It’s ok if you’re not fine” he said softly.

 

At Jasper’s words Monty’s lips trembled and his face crumpled as tears streamed down his cheeks. Jasper squeezed his hand and Monty squeezed back. “It’s ok” Jasper said, moving closer to Monty as he sobbed. “I’m here, it’s going to be ok.”

 

As he gripped Jasper’s hand and listened to his words of support, Monty tried to look to the future. Because with Jasper and the rest of his friends, his family, beside him maybe one day he could be fine.


End file.
